wat past is past........... 

``Adrianariel<
Monday, December 13, 2004

why ? 

``Adrianariel<
Monday, December 13, 2004

pills.... 

``Adrianariel<
Monday, December 13, 2004

im sorry if i ever get into your blog. you know me and i know you. hmm.. i know something, you dont know. ermm. see me. please. sorry. you can delete my post. i guess this is the only way that i can get in touch with you.

``Adrianariel<
Saturday, December 11, 2004

OVERDOSE OF MEDICINE CAN BE TERIBBLE. IT'S BEEN MANY DAYS. I GET STOMACH UPSET EASILY. I VOMMIT AFTER MEAL. I LOSE WEIGHT. HAI.. MY BODY REALLY IN A MESS....BTW SERINE THKS FOR PERCAYA KAN AKU... THANKS BUD.. HAI INGATKAN TAK KEJE DGN MY FRENS TAKDE RUMOURS. RUPENYE BYK RUMOURS ABOUT ME... I GO BF LAH... HAI DONO WAT TO SAY..............

``Adrianariel<
Friday, December 10, 2004

SUNDAY 5 DECEMBER 2004, A DAY I NEVER FORGET.... I WAS ASSIGNED TO REDEMPTION COUNTER. IT WAS FUN SEEING PPL WORKING LIKE MAD IN THE STORE WHILE I JUST RELAX AND MY JOB WAS GIVING OUT LUCKY DRAW AND TAKING CHRISTMAS ORDERS. EASY HUH? VERY EASY. JOKING AROUND WIT THE PROMOTER TALKING BOUT LIFE, GIRLS AND BOYS. IT WAS GREAT BUT NVR EXPECTED TAT IT'ILL TURN OUT SOUR .OHH.. BTW SORRY CAROLE I DIDN'T GO SUPPER WIT YOU.. YOU SHOULD KNOW WHY!!! HE APEAR AT MY WORKPLACE. I WAS KIND OF HAPPY. THOUGHT TAT EVERTHING WOULD BE FINE AND WE WOULD BE LIKE NORMAL CAUSE I MISS HIM BADLY. (HE REALLY LOOK SICK. HIS EYES ARE LIKE PANDA) BUT THINGS NEVER TURNED OUT THE WAY I WANT. HE WAS WITH THIS GIRL. HE SEEMS TO BE HAPPY. I WAS PUZZLED. INSIDE MY HEART"WHAT'S THAT BITCH DOING HERE WITH MY BF" "WHO THE HELL IS SHE?" LOTS OF QUESTION RUNNING THROUGH MY MIND. I FEEL LIKE BREAKIN DOWN! I FEEL LIKE CRYING BUT I HAVE TO STAY STRONG. I SAID TO MYSELF I MUST CRY. I DIDN;T CRY. HE WANT ME TO GO BACK WIF HIM BUT I SAID I CANT COS I'VE ALREADY PROMISE MY FRENS TAT I'M GOING SUPPER WIT THEM. BUT HE INSISTED. (TAURUS WILL ALWAYS BE TAURUS) AFTER CREATING A SCENE. I FINALLY AGREED TO GO BACK WIT HIM. IT WAS HEART BREAKING SEEING HE HOLD HER HAND. I CANT SEE IT ANYMORE. OH GOD SAKITNYE HATI INI.... I PRETEND TO BE OK ( BTW THANKS MAHATHIR AND CAROLE FOR HELPING ME ) BUT I BURST INTO TEARS WHEN CAROLE SAID "NURAIDAH HOW CAN YOU LET HIM DO THIS TO YOU" (CAROLE SAID HE PUT HIS ARM ARD HER)
BAYANGKANLAH BETAPA REMOK DAN BERDERAI HATI AKU!! YA ALLAH TABAH KANLAH HATI HAMBA MU INI.. AKU TERDUDUK DAN MENANGIS. I CANT STAND IT ANYMORE. ITS TO PAINFUL 4 ME. I BURST INTO TEARS. I THROW AMM THE NEWSPAPER AND CHAIRS..... THANKS SIDDIQ FOR CONSOLLING ME AND BRING BACK MY SENSES. I STOPPED CRYING AND PRETEND TO BE HAPPY . BUT NOT FOR LONG. I CRIED BACK. I SAY TO MYSELF WHY AM I SO STUPID TO TRUST HIM!! BILA BALIK WHEN JUMPE DIA. HE WAS WITH THAT FUCKING BITCH. HE WANTS TO TALK TOME AND HE WANTS ME TO GO THERE NO WAY. YOU WANT TO TALK TO ME, YOU COME TO ME. HE SAID THAT AIDAH MENDUAKAN DIA. JUST B'COS I GO BACK WIT SIDDIIQ. I MENDUAKAN DIA. DIA UNGKIT PASAL HARI RAYA TAT I PAKAI BAJU SAME COLOUR DGN SIDDIQ. PADAHAL RAMAI LAGI PAKAI BAJU WARNA HITAM NOT ME ALONE. AND WAT GOT TO DO WIF NIA AND FAEZAH JUST BCOS THEY WEAR WHITE AND I ONLY TAKE GROUP PHOTO WITH HIM. BUKANYE BERDUA-DUAN. KAT DALAM VAN PON KITA DUDUK JAUH2 SEY. DIA KAT DEPAN AIDAH KAT BLAKANG. I KNOW MY LIMIT. BUT HE THINKS TAT I DUNI. I WAS FEELING SO DEPRESSED WITH ALL THIS THING HAPPEN. I WAS PISSED OFF... I FELT SO USELESS! NO POINT LIVING! CRYING ALONE INSIDE BUS. NO 1 COMFORT ME. I WAS SO DOWN. WHEN I REACH HOME. EVERYBODY'S SLEEPING. AND AS 4 ME I STILL CRY. I CANT STOP CRYING. I TOT HE REALLY LOVE ME. MY THINKIN RUN WILD. IREMEMBERS HE SAY TAT I'M A BITCH. HE SAID BORN BITCH DIE BITCH. DIA MAKI AKU UPSIDE DOWN. DIA KATE LEBIH BAIK AKU MATI. KALAU AKU MATI KAN BAGUS. AKU HIDUP CUME MENYUSAHKAN DIA. HAI BAYANGKAN BERAPE SAKITNYE HATI BILA ORG YANG KAU SYG CAKAP MCM INI. I FEEL I WANA DIE. I CANT 4GET THE WORDS HE USE TO CALL ME. I FELT LIKE SHIT. I SAW A PACKET OF MY MAIGRAINE MEDCINES. W/O THINKIN I TOOK EVERY SINGLE OF HTEM. I DO IT ONCE Y NOT DO IT AGAIN KAN. AFTER I TOOK EVERYTHING I FALL ASLEEP BUT 3AM I WOKE UP FEELING DIZZY AND NAUSEA. THIS MUST BE THE EFFECT OF THE MEDICINE. I KNOW THIS THING GOING TO HAPPEN BUT THIS IS THE WORST THAN THE LAST TIME. I STARTED VOMMITING IN MY ROOM. NO 1 CAME TO MY RESCUE. I WAS FEELING SICK. I MANAGED TO FALL ASLEEP AFTER HOURS OF VOMMITING WHITE LIQUID. I WAS WONDERING WAT IS TAT THING. I DIDN'T WAKE UP THE NEXT MORNING UNTIL MY DAD BACA2 KAN AYAT KERUSI TO ME. I TOT I WAS GOING TO DIE. MY MUM KNEWWAT HAPPEN. NOW SHE KEEP ALL MY OBAT AND I DONO WHERE'S MY OBAT. MY MUM WANTS ME TO SEE A COUNSELLOR BUT I DON'T WANT I'M FINE. BUT TOO BAD NASI NAK JADI BUBUR. MY MUM DAH BUAT APPOINTMENT FOR ME. NAK TAK NAK STILL HAVE TO GO....

``Adrianariel<
Friday, December 10, 2004

I ASKED HIM 4 A BREAK-UP, I WAS DEPRESSED CAUSE HE'S NOT MEETING ME OR CALLING ME.... I FELT LEFT OUT BY HIM. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WAT HE'S TRYING TO PROVE. I WENT TO A FREN'S HOUSE. AND WHEN I READ HIS WEB LOG. I WAS SHOCKED THAT HE'S SLOWLY WANA DISSAPEAR FRM MY LIFE. I DIN'T KNOW WAT TO DO. TEARS START ROLLING...THEY ASKED ME NOT TO CRY BUT I CANT HELP IT. IF HE WANTS A BREAK UP JUST TELL STRAIGHT TO MY FACE. I SMS HIM SAYING TAT LETS BREAK UP. AND GUESS WAT HE SAY OK I WON'T HOLD U BACK ANYMORE. I LET YOU GO!! FRM HERE I KNOW SOMTHING WAS WRONG. HE WAS NEVER LIKE THIS BEFORE. I'M CONFUSED WHY MUST THIS HAPPEN WHEN ITS NEAR TO MY B-DAY......

``Adrianariel<
Friday, December 10, 2004

After jln HARI RAYA WIF MY C4 COLLEGUE, FAIRUS WENT MISSING. I TRIED CALLING HIM BUT HE JUST WON'T ANSWER MY CALLS. DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG? I WAS WANDERING, HE ONLY SMS ME BUT NEVER CALL OR MEET ME. IT'S BEEN DAYS! OUT OF CURIOSITY. I ASKED HIS FREN TO MAKE SURE TAT HE'S OK BUT MY NIAT BAIK TURNS OUT DIFFERENT. HIS FREN SAID TAT HE WAS NOT OK AND AS HIS GF I SHOULD KNOW WAT. WOW! IT'S WAS REALLY A BANG IN MY MIND. HE MAKE ME THINK WAT AM I SUPOSE TO DO. I TRIEND CALLING HIM BUT HE WONT ANS, HE JUST GAVE ME EXCUSE THAT HIS PREPAID LOW. PREPAID BOLEH SMS KE? I KNOW SOMTHING WAS NOT RIGHT HERE. HE SAID HE WAS SICK. HE WAS DIAGNOSED WITH SOME KIND OF DEPRESSION. AND HE CANT HAVE ANOTHER NERVOUS BREAKDOWN. DOCS SAY HE ONLY GOT MONTHS TO LIVE. SHALL I BELIEVE?

``Adrianariel<
Friday, December 10, 2004

hmm... this few days have been really sucks i dont know what's going on with my relationship and my life its so messed up... and i'm so stressed up.. and just got no one to talk to.....hmm.. i wonder how long i can stand to be like this.....i feel like arghhhh..just don't know how to say.....i dont really enjoy my time at dinnir and dance..i just kept thinkin bout him...i was hoping tt he will wait for me...... but no....it dosen't happen..5 days i waited for him.....and when i call him back... he mcm nk tk nk layan me.... haiz these are mens kalo da tak suke buat mcm sampah.;...

----------- edited by fairus -----------------

if you happen to read this, you must read your post again.. kalao da tak suka buat mcm sampah, can you please be more understanding in the future, you kena tahu me penat, kadang kadang me fetch you home, me kena jalan balik.. tapi u, bila me ckp me tak leh fetch you, you simpan dendam.. then ckp me you understand la.. tu la.. nie la.. padahal you mean sumthing else.. and it really hurt me, when me tanya you masuk atau balik keje kul brapa.. you ckp tak tahu!! tak tahu!!... like if i don't care, would i bother to ask you nie semua`? do i~? haizz... easy, the bout theat d&d thing, u ckp dgn me you tak pegi lar, kena keje.. and what now? you go... and you tak tell me.. lie lie and all your crappy lies... and when you keluar, me tanya dgn saper.. mcm susah sgt nak bilang saper... if you susah sgt nak bilang, mesti there's sumthing you hiding from me... haiz... but you da nak minta break up.. me tak tahu lagi aidah, you see right, me ajer nak kena save the relationship... kalau tak, this is the outcome.. hurt me again... again.. .again... you ckp me ckp pasal my diri sendiri ajer, me pernah hurt you tak? you bilang me... no one understand me, coz me ajer kena understand you... ~

``Adrianariel<
Friday, February 13, 2004

yesterday i had so much fun it's been a long time since i laugh happily....it was really great.. i really had a good time although the basikal tyre is pancit...hahahahaha... thanks alot fairus.... for the great day yesterday....i can't belive that basikal tyre pancit pon kite kebas sey.....n btw now i'm already working n i really miss school...and now i only have a lilttle time to spent time with fairus... i hope he don't mind cause my working time is so unpredictable......n btw i'm working at carrefour...the ppl there r friendly but i just hate tis stupid working collegue of mine.... as if like she's the boss there....anyhow say ppl do work slow.... she never even do work all she do is talk and talk and that really pissede me off jackass......n now i'm on my way work with my sayang acompanying me...that's great cos that is the only time we get to spent time with eacher other...but i tink i need to go now i don't him to feel neglected......bye....

``Adrianariel<
Tuesday, January 20, 2004

today was sucks i expect him to acoompany me.. but he just dont care he change a lot... he is not the way he be.. he never want to sent me home again or anymore... all he care is his friends....every night hang out with his friend and he dont bother about me anymore... i'm treated like a fool here...yeah rite i'm just a fool to fall for you....i dont think he feel anything yesterday when i don't call him a single time...i think he's happy that i dont call me.... maybe i should stop calling or see him....all we do is hurt each other... and guess what my hand is still in pain......everyday i think it just get worse.....now u just go with your friend and don bother to look for me anymore......

``Adrianariel<
Monday, December 08, 2003

hmm..weekends kind of ok2 ah...yesterday nite gi geylang sey... it reall s***k sey.. i dont like lah ramai sgt matz and minahz sey pas tu tgk org mcm nak mkn..... btw me just bought my baju raye sey... guess wat green colour this year mcm boria sey my whole family wearing green including my grandma and my auntie and uncles... mesti sakit sey mata tgk...hai just dono this year hari raya i think going to be better cos my uncle and auntie da balek s'pore confirm....ader gatheringd..to catch up stories...n today i forget sey i got 2 test 1 is theory and the other is phase test lucky i can do.... satu bende haram pon me tak blajar sey....maybe i'm born intelligent tak??? but i don think so lah kalo pandai asal masok ite kan....

``Adrianariel<
Monday, November 10, 2003

today i went to the doctor sey... i'm feelin so sick...i can't even go up the stairs...i'm dont hav the energy..the doc say that i got low blood preassure..and my intestine are swollen...the doc say if the swollen dosen't get better i need to go for and op...and btw yesterday i went to dover ite.. for a career ape tah.. i think i decide nak join polis so i can catch all thosa criminal outside..heehehe tah2 dorg yg tangkap me....but i scared lah physical training i dont like to run and do physical stuff... i hate running push up and all that stuff... but i guess i must overcome it lah..ok i gtg nak kene buat recording lah..anyway happy birthday yah..may u have a wonderful day today

``Adrianariel<
Thursday, November 06, 2003

ur the total girl-next-door type, evri1 loves u coz
ur a nice person 2 b around. ur fun and
friendly and like 2 make jokes but u kno not 2
go 2 far, u would neva hurt n e 1ns feelings on
purpose and ur a great all rounder, good on ya!
u r most like mandy moore.


what kinda person r u and what celebrity r u most like? (4 girls)
brought to you by Quizilla

``Adrianariel<
Friday, October 31, 2003

Love Sucks,Love hurt......I Hate You....for the rest of my life... there'll never be a make up anymore..i had enough.... I HATE YOU..... I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU..now just go and tell the whole world that me tak puase...tell lah every one...I HATE YOU,....

``Adrianariel<
Wednesday, October 29, 2003